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GuruJas
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Posts by GuruJas
Hijacking for the Right Reasons: A Phone Guide
Aug 23rd
If you’re paranoid and neurotic then the following is a must read.
I know you thought about it – getting your hands on his/her phone to check text messages, passwords, contacts, pictures and anything else that will get you answers about the inner workings of the opposite sex.
Yet, why waste your time with those details? What you really want to know is cell phone behaviour – this will provide the answers you seek.
Cell phone behaviour is defined by the sound profile. Yes, dear readers – that is all. Now, I know you thought it started and ended with the phone skin – but that was based on personality – now we must go deeper and analyze motivations and intentions, hence behaviour. When you hijack his/her phone (I will leave the hijack plan to you), check their sound profile – is it normal, custom or silent? Check out the following personality types and see if you’re crazy or sane.
The Silent Predator
This person is the most dangerous yet also the most vulnerable. You will never really hear his/her phone although it will be frequently seen placed casually on the dinner table or surgically attached to the hand. Basically, the blinking light or vibrating phone indicates to them there is a message and they drop everything to check it.
How you know you are crazy or sane: If he/she answers your messages/texts/calls in a timely fashion but then one day suddenly stops, then there is a definite problem.
The Loud Killer
This person wants the whole world to hear their phone whether it be their loud message chimes, glass tingling vibrations or “I am bringing sexy back” ringtones. Of course, said person could also be too lazy to change their sound profile.
How you know you are crazy or sane: Does he/she have a custom ringtone for you? This could be sweet or disturbing – in any case – it may be prudent to check who else on his/her phone has a custom ringtone. Furthermore, the crazy/sane test is similar to that of the silent predator.
The Multiple Personality
By far the most cunning of the three – this person has silent and loud profiles for different occasions, moments and people. It will be hard to determine the true personality and will take further investigation over a span of a week or two.
How you know you are crazy or sane: Call/message said person everyday at the same time to see if he/she will answer. Track timing, if erratic then decide if you can put up with it, in most cases I would suggest moving on to the next one.
In all seriousness, it is difficult to pin down cell phone behaviour when it comes to you, since he/she is not messaging or talking to you on the phone when with you in person. My advice is to learn about their sound profile as soon as you have invested interest – this will alleviate and answer a lot of burning questions about timeliness of receiving messages and calls.
Mobile Lifestyle: How To Be Sneaky On BBM!
Aug 8th
Lately, I feel like I have been bombarded with BBM commercials of really obscure groups of people using BBM. The only thing I could possibly relate to is when a woman around my age says, “I can see when they received the message!” <Insert evil laugh here> Thankfully, I am here dear readers, to inform you of deeper and more pertinent features of BBM.
Just when I thought I had exhausted the subject of blackberry messenger with my ever popular debate of “received” versus “delivered” messages and argument of BBM being a personal messaging tool, there is more.
Consider the following scenario: Adam has not replied to Sarah’s message for 3 days and she knows this because it’s “delivered” and not “received”. However, Sarah has a blackberry 8830 and Adam has a 9700. Why does this matter?
Let’s examine the 9700 a little closer:
Notice how the first line of the message can be viewed without answering it? You are able to read what the person is saying without actually answering the message, therefore the message remains delivered to the sender. Furthermore, you can click “back” on your Blackberry and the alert (whether it be the flashing red light or sound is disabled) allowing one to completely forget the about message except that the icon remains. Fortunately, older Blackberries allow you to disable the alert without answering the message yet do not allow the luxury of reading the first line in the way described above. Fortunately, there is a way around this for older users, let’s look at an 8830 Blackberry messenger screen:
If you get a message that you don’t want to answer, go to another active conversation, the incoming message will appear (at least the first line) at the bottom of your conversation, however this does not appear to work for the bold. For other blackberry versions, you can go to your “messaging” icon which collects all of your messages; the first line of the BBM message will show up there. Just be sure to checkmark or click yes in BBM options for “forward/show chats in message application”.
The new version of BBM is very sexy compared to the older versions as it includes options of showing a picture and little status message; it’s very ICQ-esque. Yet, as I argued in an earlier post – with these new features of picture and status changes – it becomes quite personal and borderline stalker city since there is no private settings for BBM – all your “friends” see you. The advantage is, although they can see you, they don’t have to know that you read their message. That, folks is how to be sneaky on BBM.
Mobile Lifestyle: My Phone Has Feelings Too!
Aug 2nd
My Phone has Feelings Too
We’ve all experienced that infuriating moment when instead of basking in the glory of our conversation with edge of the seat suspense, said companion feels the need to check their phone. How could one have the audacity to suddenly decide that the incessant buzzing, beeping and blinking could be more important than the live spoken word!?
It’s a stinging feeling in the heart when someone decides you’re just not important. But then, one day I had an epiphany.
The world does not revolve around you and I truly hate to break this to you but you are actually not the centre of attention.
Now you might be thinking – isn’t it still rude to be on your phone during social occasions? Common courtesy and sense would point a rational member of society to turn off his or her phone during face to face meetings or where silence is required. Yes, in some instances it is necessary, like during the opening night of a new movie or at your best friend’s wedding. Yet, most social situations fall in the grey area like a casual conversation, or lunch with a group of friends. When is it okay to check your phone?
Especially when “phone” is not the right way to address your phone anymore as dear reader, by reading this I must assume you have a “smart” phone – one that is so smart I sometimes think it has feelings. Having feelings, does it not deserve your undivided attention when it buzzes, beeps or blinks?
It’s a daily battle we all face with real person vs. electronic person conversation. Here are some tips that I have learned over the years or alteast help me rationalize the use of my phone.
- It is okay to use your phone unconditionally from Monday to Friday from 8am to 5:30pm as these are standard working hours. I conveniently forget to put my phone on silent during client meetings, regardless it’s perfectly acceptable to check your phone at the hour mark of a meeting. In some cases, social messaging while the client attends to his/her own pressing business makes you appear very busy – this can work to your advantage.
- It is okay to use your phone when you’re with your friends. At this point, they know you are a phone freak and shouldn’t take offence to it. They are probably checking their phones constantly themselves.
When is it not okay to use your phone:
- On a first date: nothing can be more of a turn off than a guy who decides you are not the centre of the universe.
- At the gym: there is nothing grosser than someone answering the phone while they’re out of breath, it just sounds tacky.
- During a formal occasion: wedding or funeral. Do I need to explain this one?
- On vacation: don’t check messages or communicate with the outside world –Unplug yourself formally. Mild use of Foursquare and Twitter is acceptable.
The Rest of the Time
I would say that the use of your discretion is perhaps your best option for everyday use of your phone in social situations, yet again we are stuck in that grey area region. In the end, always ask your companion or party if the use of your phone during your social visit or gathering is okay. A vote will keep things democratic and hopefully no hearts will be broken or feelings left irate.
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